I wash, you fold. jobs aren’t defined by gender.

I’ve never promoted myself as a feminist. In fact, I  really don’t even consider myself one. I’m more of an advocate for equality. Which is why I get so frustrated when people go around declaring the expectations of a man versus the expectations of a woman.

Over the weekend I had dinner with my boyfriend, his roommate and his roommate’s girlfriend. The conversation somehow ended up on what we would and wouldn’t do when we “grew up and got married”. I, very strongly, voiced that I’d do the laundry but my husband would have to fold. Or, I’d get up one night with a sick kid but my husband would have to contribute his fair share as well. Pretty basic stuff, right? Wrong.

The three of them (not so much my boyfriend… he knows better ; ) ) proceeded to talk about how even though equal distribution of chores is important, it’s still a woman’s “job” to take care of the kids and clean and do those kinds of things, while it’s the man’s “job” to handle the fixing and outdoor stuff.

I must’ve left my apron and obedient housewife attitude at home that night because I responded with a resounding “Hell no!”

Being a woman does not mean I will cook, clean and be the sole care taker of children. In fact, to the man who does one day marry me, I hope you’ve got some kitchen skills because my cooking abilities are pretty weak!

I am not against women doing the cleaning or cooking or anything really – But when the expectation is there that she should do it solely because she is a woman, I get bothered.

When  I mentioned I have a small desire to keep my own last name when I get married, you would’ve thought I told them I planned on having a leg removed to be studied for science!

What are your beliefs? And what are your own expectations within a marriage/relationship or household? Are mine far fetched?


4 responses to “I wash, you fold. jobs aren’t defined by gender.

  1. No offense, but it sounds like your friends are stuck in the 1950s. I love this post and agree with you! While I do believe that there are certain “jobs” that women and men are generally better at than the other (cooking, cleaning, landscaping, home repairs, etc.), everyone in a household should put in their fair share, regardless of gender stereotypes.

    And I don’t think it’s wrong of you to want to keep your last name when you get married. Why do people find that so strange? I feel the same way when people (coworkers, older relatives, etc.) ask me why I don’t have a boyfriend yet. “Don’t you want to get married?” they ask. YES! But I’m only 23! This isn’t the dark ages anymore where you run off and get married right after college. Maybe this is selfish, but I want to have a career, I want financial security, I want to travel, I want to have my own life before I share one with someone else. Now, that’s not to say that I won’t settle down when the right person comes along. If someone else wants to share that with me, that’s great and I’m open to it. But I’m not putting my whole life on hold to look for a boyfriend/husband because that’s what I’m expected to do as a young woman. Puh-lease.

    I hope that all makes sense. It’s still a little early and the coffee hasn’t kicked in yet 😉

    • totally makes sense! and I completely agree. I hate that there’s a bad rap for women who prefer their own career and financial stability before settling down with someone else? neither lifestyle choices are wrong but there’s such a negative stigma associated with “young women without boyfriends” I mean come on Christa.. 23? You should have a rock on your finger and a baby on the way by now ; )

      thanks for the comment.. good luck with the caffeine fix!

  2. Okay so I am a friend of your moms. I think men need to be more domestic and less grunting, but I also think the woman should be more grunting and less domestic. I am fine with my role in my marriage, I ask that my wife stay home and be there for my children while I provide an income because no one can love or care for them as well as one of us, however I also do laundry, dishes and cleaning on top of snow removal, mowing, and handyman jobs. I feel if she has to spend her day doing all of the domestic stuff then she isn’t interacting w/ the children which is why I like her home. With that said she should be willing to mow,pick up a screwdriver, or clear snow if the situation deems such and the expectation is for me to do the domestic stuff. I think you’re right is what I am saying.

    • Completely agree! The expectation thing works both ways. Ask my mom, I’ve had to take out the garbage, mow the lawn and shovel the snow, so no husband of mine will find I consider that “their work”. Thanks for the comment!

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