I am neurotic. My mind never settles. Last week I finally rejoined my gym. I went once and it felt great. Then on Friday I stopped and got a Dunkin Donuts breakfast sandwich. I started to freak about how greasy and bad for me it was. Then I remembered why I stopped working out and stopped stressing about what I ate. It sucks. And it’s exhausting.
For a long time I monitored what went into my body and kept track of my rigid gym schedule. I would only eat a half a can of soup because a full can felt like too many calories. I’d pick the cheese off my pizza and blot the grease with napkins. A small bag of fries from McDonalds meant I’d feel guilty for the rest of the night.
That life sucks.
Who wants to obsess over missing the gym one day out of your scheduled 6? When I met my boyfriend a year and a half ago I took on the usual comforts of the beginnings of a relationship and stopped caring so much about what I ate. I eased up on my gym schedule so I could spend more time with him, and ate ice cream without measuring the size of the scoop.
That life rocked.
As the beginnings of the relationship transitioned into a full-swing thing, I realized I was still eating and (not) exercising the way I had in the beginning of the relationship. And I was still happy.
I know that eating healthy and exercising are essential and that I shouldn’t just dismiss them. But lately I’ve started to weigh some options in my head. Would I rather keep my body in awesome shape but stress anytime I ate a piece of chocolate or ran a mile less? Or would I be okay with having a less-toned body, eating my Dunkin Donuts and only exercising occasionally?
I’ve heard so many people say that they never really exercised in their 20s and that they were much more carefree about what they ate. Well maybe that’s my time now. Maybe I need to let myself be until I’m ready to go back to eating healthier and exercising more.
I should also point out that my seemingly “sedentary” lifestyle doesn’t mean I’m sitting on my couch eating potato chips and watching tv all night. It just means that I don’t feel guilty if I have French fries with my meal or if my exercise consists of going for a walk around my neighborhood rather than an hour and a half long cardio session at the gym.
A few weeks ago I blogged about how frustrated I was with my lack of motivation. It’s all a mental game with me. But I suppose for the time being my mental health can trump physical health? Or is that just a cop out so I feel less guilty about being lazy?
The title of my blog isn’t Mind Overload for nothing…