He never really liked being the subject of my blog posts. But he was the subject of my life, so how could I avoid it? And now he’s consuming all of my thoughts when I wish he wouldn’t.
I forgot that even when you’re the one to end things, you still hurt. That you go from knowing exactly what he ate for lunch (chicken burrito with beans and rice) and where (street cart on Spruce St.) to wondering if he even ate lunch or went to work or watched tv.
It sucks when people tell you “time makes everything better” even though you know it’s true, and even though you’ve given that same advice to every broken-hearted friend you’ve ever had. But still. Shut up. I know time makes it better, but right now it effing hurts!
Here’s a round up of my high-level Google search skills of ways to deal with break ups:
- Can You Be Friends With Your Ex? Whether or not two people can remain friends after a breakup depends on the two people and their feelings about the end of the relationship. “Do take at least eight weeks with no contact. No phone. No ‘let’s get together for coffee.’ No nothing,” she says. “You need time to detox and get in touch with yourself again.” Talking every day as “friends” is also a no-no. “That just keeps the wounds and hope open and working,” Arnold says. “Don’t keep calling to ‘check in,’ hear how his or her day was, or if the dog ate his dinner. Cut the cord in all ways.”
- Devote: Be aware of what you’re watching on TV – no sad melodramas or romance flicks for a little while. We suggest laugh-til- you-cry comedies! Also, please do yourself a favor and save your iPod playlist of love songs for another time and place. Make an empowering playlist of songs that get you up and motivated to face a brand new day (P!nk and Adele do this for us). Lastly, schedule some pamper time into YOUR schedule. Book a massage, go get a mani-pedi, get your makeup done, or take a yoga class.
- Remember why you’re separating When you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, even if it didn’t end well, you’ll probably experience a sense of loss: Loss of companionship, intimacy, routines, rituals, and shared pleasures. Suddenly you have more time than you know what to do with. There’s no one to talk to about the ordinary day-to-day concerns, and you have to start inventing things to do on a Saturday night. The emotional intimacy is something you can’t immediately replace. If you initiated the break up, you may start to have a creeping sense of regret as the benefits of companionship come to light. The time after a break up of a long relationship is the chance to investigate who you are as an individual, what you love, and how you enjoy spending your time. In as many ways as you can, surround yourself with things that give you pleasure and people who share your passions.
so, how’s that for a start to your weekend? Let’s end with the last lines from the movie The Break Up (which I absolutely love, despite what the critics say!)
Gary: I’m just saying we shouldn’t wait so long the next time before we…
Gary: Catch up.
Brooke: We have a lot more to talk about.
Gary: Be good.