He never really liked being the subject of my blog posts. But he was the subject of my life, so how could I avoid it? And now he’s consuming all of my thoughts when I wish he wouldn’t.
I forgot that even when you’re the one to end things, you still hurt. That you go from knowing exactly what he ate for lunch (chicken burrito with beans and rice) and where (street cart on Spruce St.) to wondering if he even ate lunch or went to work or watched tv.
It sucks when people tell you “time makes everything better” even though you know it’s true, and even though you’ve given that same advice to every broken-hearted friend you’ve ever had. But still. Shut up. I know time makes it better, but right now it effing hurts!
Here’s a round up of my high-level Google search skills of ways to deal with break ups:
- Can You Be Friends With Your Ex? Whether or not two people can remain friends after a breakup depends on the two people and their feelings about the end of the relationship. “Do take at least eight weeks with no contact. No phone. No ‘let’s get together for coffee.’ No nothing,” she says. “You need time to detox and get in touch with yourself again.” Talking every day as “friends” is also a no-no. “That just keeps the wounds and hope open and working,” Arnold says. “Don’t keep calling to ‘check in,’ hear how his or her day was, or if the dog ate his dinner. Cut the cord in all ways.”
- Devote: Be aware of what you’re watching on TV – no sad melodramas or romance flicks for a little while. We suggest laugh-til- you-cry comedies! Also, please do yourself a favor and save your iPod playlist of love songs for another time and place. Make an empowering playlist of songs that get you up and motivated to face a brand new day (P!nk and Adele do this for us). Lastly, schedule some pamper time into YOUR schedule. Book a massage, go get a mani-pedi, get your makeup done, or take a yoga class.
- Remember why you’re separating When you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, even if it didn’t end well, you’ll probably experience a sense of loss: Loss of companionship, intimacy, routines, rituals, and shared pleasures. Suddenly you have more time than you know what to do with. There’s no one to talk to about the ordinary day-to-day concerns, and you have to start inventing things to do on a Saturday night. The emotional intimacy is something you can’t immediately replace. If you initiated the break up, you may start to have a creeping sense of regret as the benefits of companionship come to light. The time after a break up of a long relationship is the chance to investigate who you are as an individual, what you love, and how you enjoy spending your time. In as many ways as you can, surround yourself with things that give you pleasure and people who share your passions.
so, how’s that for a start to your weekend? Let’s end with the last lines from the movie The Break Up (which I absolutely love, despite what the critics say!)
Gary: I’m just saying we shouldn’t wait so long the next time before we…
Gary: Catch up.
Brooke: We have a lot more to talk about.
Gary: Be good.
Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.
— Ralph Waldo Emerson
This quote was part of my Daily Love e-mail today. It really struck a chord with me.
“We often hesitate to follow our intuition out of fear. Most usually, we are afraid of the changes in our own life that our actions will bring. Intuitive guidance, however, is all about change. It is energetic data ripe with the potential to influence the rest of the world. To fear change but to crave intuitive clarity is like fearing the cold, dark night while pouring water on the fire that lights your cave. An insight the size of a mustard seed is powerful enough to bring down a mountain-sized illusion that may be holding our lives together. Truth strikes without mercy. We fear our intuitions because we fear the transformational power within our revelations.”
loving this quote today from one of my favorite blogs, Smart Pretty and Awkward
How to be Smarter: When a pen stops writing, you have two options: throw it out, or scribble it around on the paper until the ink appears again. When something stops working, whether it’s a job, your academic major, or a relationship, you have a choice whether to move on or to try hard to make the broken item fixed. But like a pen that has been scribbled back to life, a job/college major/relationship that has stopped meeting your needs before will probably stop meeting them again, no matter how hard you frantically scribble to bring it back to life.
If someone is trying, with good intentions, to make your life easier, you must say thank you even if they didn’t help you as much as you would have liked. If a small toddler tried to help you carry the laundry upstairs but ended up dropping most of it, you would still thank them for their effort. If a co-worker tried to help you by organizing some files but accidentally messed up a few, they still need to be thanked for their effort and their attempt to make your life easier.” – via www.smartprettyandawkward.com
I absolutely, positively, 100 percent HATE doing dishes. hate it. I’d rather scrub the bathtub, toilet and floors before doing dishes.
growing up, my mom would leave little post-it notes for me or my sister “Allie, do the dishes and take out kitchen garbage” seems like a simple, easy-enough task. nope. I’d start the dishes (after only a few minutes of groaning) and within 3 minutes my mom would be in telling me what I was doing wrong. “you need to fill the entire left side of the sink with water and let them soak before you do the dishes” “don’t let the water run constantly allison, it’s a waste” “these look good but, they’re really spotty… rinse them again”
AHHHH. no matter how you did the dishes in my house, you could never do them right! It got to the point where I couldn’t stand doing the dishes. I would throw a fit and come up with every excuse possible to try and get out of it.
Molly’s piece of advice from www.smartprettyandawkward.com reminds me of why I hate doing the dishes. Maybe if my mom had stopped for a minute (although I’m sure she’ll say she did… ) and just said thank you for doing the dishes, without adding in everything I was doing wrong, I might not dread the dishes so much!
(the whole thing also could’ve been solved if we had just had a dishwasher!!)