I love the holidays. In fact, in my mom’s recent blog post, she referred to me as the “Hallmark Hostess”. I thrive on traditions and festivities, Christmas trees and snowflakes. I start listening to Christmas music once my plate has been cleared from the Thanksgiving day table.
So why, this year, are the fa la la la las taking such a toll on me?
After two snow storms slammed upstate, NY with five feet of snow, my Christmas shopping was reduced to online purchases. No big deal. Until my credit card information gets messed up and I end up on hold for 20 minutes with Amazon and Barnes and Noble. Then my internet goes out. And it takes me eight tries to get up and down my driveway to make it to work everyday (because in upstate, NY no amount of snow is enough to trigger a “work from home” day).
At this point I’m still smiling. Drinking my Rudolph Riesling while watching How I met Your Mother and GLEE isn’t a total waste of my night(s).
But now we’re three days until Christmas. And not all of my presents have arrived, and none of them are wrapped. And my nights are booked with volunteering that, instead of looking forward to, I’m dreading. And I love the office holiday treats, but when am I going to bake the cake I promised I’d bring in? After I wrap the gifts? While I’m doing some laundry? Before I pack my bags for a few days at home?
Now all I want to do is climb in my bed and stay there until it’s safe to come out, anxiety free.
I’d like to say this anxiety is new, but I’m pretty sure I’ve carried it around my whole life. When I was younger, I used to get stomach aches every Christmas from over-excitement. During high school (and maybe still now?) no holiday was complete without a blow-out fight with my mom or sister, caused by high expectations and over-anticipation. This year, my boyfriend got the brunt of it. I cried when he said he didn’t like a scene in the Christmas episode of GLEE (really???).
So I’ll let this anxiety run its course, and maybe help it out a little with a trip to the liquor store…